Not too tight and not too loose

by Fern on February 15, 2010

I have been busy writing my ebook- the 401K First Aid Kit:Stop Your Portfolio Bleeding and Get Back to Financial Health. I know- goofy name, but apparently when you are building a business online you need catchy titles. What started out as a “I want to help people understand their 401K” mission turned into a full time project with coaching calls, online sales page, marketing, blah, blah, blah. During that time everything else (except my workouts) got put on hold– my memoir, my coaching practice, this blog, the dog, my jewelry making hobby, my relationships, etc.
Now that the project is over, I realize that I am stressed and I feel the imbalance and strife that exists when there wasn’t any before. I realized that I didn’t have work/life balance in myself that I support and coach in my clients. What a wake up call! When I meditate on that and what went wrong, it’s easy to see where the wrong turn was made.
The project turned from a labor of love to a “how can I turn this into a money making machine”. Seduced by the mentorship of slick online marketing gurus, I lost who I am and what I provide into how I can package and sell my knowledge.
I know I am good at what I do and I know that people love my stuff. I need to step back and build my relationships with my tribe and continue to give them good free content packaged without the google adwords— and have the confidence in the abundance that is around me.
As Pema has taught me, -not too tight- I’ll have a sliver of the chocolate cake and not too loose- I’ll take the whole chocolate cake– but something in between. The Middle Way.

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The Inner Perfectionist

by Fern on October 20, 2009

I had a friend over that I haven’t seen in awhile and we sat at my dining room table to chat. As the conversation waned she commented on the table. “What a beautiful dining room table you have,” she said as she examined the espresso stained wood. I looked at the table, too, but I saw scratches, and white shadows from hot pots and chips of raw wood showing through the corners.

I caught myself in my inner perfectionist mode. Like that game that children play where the head pops up and you take a hammer and bang it down but every time I do, more heads pop up and it gets harder and harder to bang all the heads down. My head used to be like that– a major voice that always pointed out the
imperfections, the little scratches here and there in my life that screamed out at me that I screwed up.

My head is not like that anymore. Is the voice gone? No way. Still there. Still pointing out the little scratches, fears, buts, what ifs, etc. But I don’t listen to them. They just exist, and float by.

I put my hand on the table and thought about how it was my first large furniture purchase with my husband. The memory of that purchase was fresh. That thought didn’t float by but got cradled in my heart.

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Stairway to Heaven- Birth of an Entrepreneur

August 18, 2009

I was listening to the song-Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin on the radio, and I recalled a conversation with a college friend who said, “Fern, Listen to that. This song is going to be a classic for many years.”
He was a handsome guy who was a friend of a friend- like many that came [...]

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Summer Time People Places

July 2, 2009

We went back to Half Moon Bay to celebrate Joseph’s birthday. We stayed at the RV park next to the Ritz Carlton and there was a lovely beach where Goldie had fun off leash. Friday night we went to the gourmet hot chocolate buffet at the Ritz and sat around the fire pits and enjoyed [...]

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Spring Cleaning (and relaxing) is here!

May 18, 2009

Since Gabby left, we have gotten back to our personal routines and fixating on the house. We finally got some drapes up in the kitchen and dining room and picked out a lovely modern oblong chandelier made by an artisan in Vermont. We still talk about design ideas for our kitchen remodel. I am amazed [...]

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Loss of a Child

March 24, 2009

At 7:45am this morning my husband and I ate breakfast together. The house was quiet and the mood somber. It was quite a contrast from the frenetic pace that our foster-daughter had us in. A strict schedule of breakfast, washing up, getting dressed, making lunch, taking meds and off to school-hubby off to work and [...]

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Stress! My Half-Ass!!!

February 9, 2009

I have been having a tooth ache. I figured I am in for another root canal- this would be my third. I have beautiful teeth and I take good care of them but since I was in a car accident and lost a lot of weight, my teeth have just gone wild on me- moving [...]

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Happy Birthday to me

February 6, 2009

On Jan 15th, I turned 56 – okay age is just a number and I feel a lot younger. I just noticed my first wrinkle on my face so I have been fortunate. Most of my gal friends have already had their botox and lifts and what not.
When I was younger, I hated my round [...]

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Ideas for Change in America

December 26, 2008

I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but there’s a movement of citizens inspired by the presidential campaign who are now submitting ideas for how they think the Obama Administration should change America. It’s called “Ideas for Change in America.”
One idea is titled: Fix the financial regulators by imposing a fiducary standard (that is putting your [...]

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All I Want for Christmas!

December 25, 2008
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