From Fern » Spiritual Growth

Growing Personal Financial Wealth- Mindfully

Fern — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 22:34:27 +0000

Thanks to Elephant Journal for publishing my piece on Money and Mindfulness:

Growing Personal Financial Wealth-Mindfully

Not too tight and not too loose

Fern — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:39:48 +0000

I have been busy writing my ebook- the 401K First Aid Kit:Stop Your Portfolio Bleeding and Get Back to Financial Health. I know- goofy name, but apparently when you are building a business online you need catchy titles. What started out as a “I want to help people understand their 401K” mission turned into a full time project with coaching calls, online sales page, marketing, blah, blah, blah. During that time everything else (except my workouts) got put on hold– my memoir, my coaching practice, this blog, the dog, my jewelry making hobby, my relationships, etc.
Now that the project is over, I realize that I am stressed and I feel the imbalance and strife that exists when there wasn’t any before. I realized that I didn’t have work/life balance in myself that I support and coach in my clients. What a wake up call! When I meditate on that and what went wrong, it’s easy to see where the wrong turn was made.
The project turned from a labor of love to a “how can I turn this into a money making machine”. Seduced by the mentorship of slick online marketing gurus, I lost who I am and what I provide into how I can package and sell my knowledge.
I know I am good at what I do and I know that people love my stuff. I need to step back and build my relationships with my tribe and continue to give them good free content packaged without the google adwords— and have the confidence in the abundance that is around me.
As Pema has taught me, -not too tight- I’ll have a sliver of the chocolate cake and not too loose- I’ll take the whole chocolate cake– but something in between. The Middle Way.

Profit or Social Improvement

Fern — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 16:43:33 +0000

I was in a clothing store lately trying to find a simple business like blouse to go with some black pants. Most of my clothes are in storage and are far away. It isn’t easy finding something that fits now. I have one waist that is higher than the other and one buttock that is non-existent. Now that I have gained some weight there is a midriff bulge that shows through anything that clings to me.
I did manage to find a crisp white cotton blouse that I don’t have to tuck in for $9.99 at Ross. There was a large line of people and only two women at the cashier station. I surveyed the situation and wondered if I could stand that long. I thought I would go for it and I stood patiently and watched as the tension in the lines got stronger and the pain in my leg got stronger. I tried to balance on one leg for some relief -trying not to think about just leaving. It reminded me of the many times when sitting in meditation retreats for so long, the discomfort with just being present becomes almost too much to bear– but you stay. And so I stayed.
As I drew closer to the cashier, she stopped and asked a group of women by the door if she could see their receipt before they left. The women looked shocked and indignant and said they already showed their receipt (which they did not). Then they bolted through the door with the goods. The two cashiers looked helplessly at each other as they couldn’t leave the cash registers and two long lines of people watched as these women took advantage of the situation in order to steal.
This was a common tactic in Noe Valley where I used to live. A group of young adults would enter a store and one would cause a scene to distract the business owner while the others grabbed as much as they could and ran out with it.
Everywhere I go there seems to be a shortage of workers— restaurants, retailers, cafes, etc.
Most of these places pay minimum wage. But minimum wage isn’t good enough to live in the Bay Area or most of America. This makes a lot of businesses vulnerable to theft. I am glad that after 10 years of no increases, the minimum wage was raised to $7.25. It’s a start. Will that hurt the profits of Ross, Starbucks, etc.? You bet it will. But will it help the millions of Americans that can’t make ends meet on minimum wage- You can bet it will.
According to the most recent survey on hunger and homelessness conducted by the United States Conference of Mayors, 40% of adults requesting emergency food assistance were employed.
Which is more important? Profit or Social improvement.

The Absolute and the Relative

Fern — Wed, 13 Sep 2006 06:16:40 +0000

The house was new, big, and beautiful. But I knew it was a change from the even larger home out in the country that he was used to. Change is uncomfortable for everyone. I tried to make note of the positive things for him- less commute to work, lower maintenance, etc. I also admired how everything on the east coast was so spacious. The Bay Area is so crowded with people, small living quarters and very expensive.
“It’s all relative,” he said as we finish loading the dishwasher. The others had left and we had cleared the dinner table. I wanted to finish by hand washing the crystal but I could tell my host was exhausted and I, too, was losing energy.
We plopped ourselves on the couch. “I feel so claustrophobic,” he continued speaking; his voice labored by the Parkinsons. “Í used to look out the window at the beautiful countryside, and now I look out to another person’s house.”
I looked around at the family room and kitchen that seemed as large a space as a whole city block. Hmmm….. I thought.
Homes have a special connection in our lives. People laugh, love, play, relax and take shelter there. They hold an abundance of memories and emotions. It is the most cherished object and prized investment that I have seen in my practice. Yet like any thing that is held on too close, it can go from beautiful home to a dangerous prison. I have experienced people living in lavish homes by themselves who cannot afford to pay for the heating bills. I have experienced couples staying in country homes lonely and anxious because they are far from an active community.
I watched my friend struggle to get up the stairs of his new home. People stay in their homes way past the time that they should, I observed. But I also know the pain of letting go.
I never had a very solid home. I moved around a lot most of my life. When I did finally buy a home with my spouse, it was fun as we fixed it up with beautiful things that we enjoyed. Yet I hadn’t had that home more than 6 years when this accident happened and I have never seen my home again. By that time, I was well prepared from previous transitions to move on and I have a strange awareness when it is appropriate to let go of living space and move on to something else-whatever that may be.
It is quite humorous to me how east coasters view their environment differently from me.
From my point of view, everything there is large and with big expanses of land between houses and buildings. People, too, have large families, and communities have large pools. Yet, I have heard people say, “look, there is no more land to build on”. While I see a whole condo development that could possibly be built on someone’s front lawn. Ha! Ha! The relative and the absolute is everywhere we go.

The everyday practice of generosity

Fern — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 19:55:18 +0000

Generosity gives rise to abundance, and by insuring that our practice
is complete, we create the right environment to use these resources
constructively. Sometimes when we give, people respond ungratefully. If we
can resist getting upset, we are practicing patience. Giving not out of
a sense of obligation or reluctantly nor with a wish to outdo others
but with joy is the practice of enthusiastic effort. Directing our full
attention to an act of generosity is concentration. Discerning and
understanding what is appropriate to give and what is not, and remembering
that the giver, the act of generosity, and the recipient are all
interdependent and empty of inherent existence are the practice of wisdom.
Including these different factors in our actions will bring many
excellent results such as a good body and mind, the resources we need, a
pleasant appearance, supportive companions, the ability to complete what we
undertake, and the focus not to be distracted by the disturbing
emotions and so forth. This is how to insure that we will enjoy many conducive
conditions in a future human life. On the other hand, our miserliness
or impatience now could make us face many difficult circumstances in the
future.
–from “How Karma Works: The Twelve Links of Dependent Arising” by
Geshe Sonam Rinchen, translated by Ruth Sonam, published by Snow Lion
Publications
The everyday practice is simply to develop a complete acceptance
and openness to all situations and emotions, and to all people,
experiencing everything totally
without mental reservations and blockages,
so that one never withdraws or centralizes onto oneself.
- Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

Kindness

Fern — Sat, 22 Jul 2006 06:24:14 +0000

Well, we are leaving the New Jersey/New York area, and we have seen everyone we wanted to (except for one) and done everything we set out to do.
More on that later. Here’s a quote from Sharon Salzberg, keep it in mind today:
“The quality of kindness gives us the ability to take abstract ideals like compassion, or ‘love they neighbor,’ and make them authentic and palpable and vibrant each and every day, going to work or going to school or going home, or getting through a situation we would never in a million years have chosen. When we really examine kindness we find it is a deep and abiding understanding of how connected we are. We see that kindness inspires a sense of ethics independent of any religious adherence, which can guide our families, communities, and the world we live in towards realizing greater safety and peace. I think this spirit underlies one of His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s most famous quotations: ‘My true religion is kindness.’ ”
An excerpt from The Force of Kindness: Change Your Life with Love & Compassion by Sharon Salzberg

Looking Inward

Fern — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 22:19:13 +0000

…it is extremely important to look inward and try to promote the
right kind of attitude, which is based on awareness of reality. A sense of
caring for others is crucial. And it is actually the best way of caring
for oneself. …the moment you think of others, this automatically
opens our inner door–you can communicate with other people easily, without
any difficulties. The moment you think just of yourself and disregard
others, then because of your own attitude, you also get the feeling that
other people also have a similar attitude toward you. That brings
suspicion, fear. Result? You yourself lose inner calmness.
Therefore, I usually say that although a certain kind of selfishness
is basically right–self and the happiness of that self are our original
right, and we have every right to overcome suffering–but selfishness
that leads to no hesitation to harm another, to exploit another, that
kind of selfishness is blind. Therefore, I sometimes jokingly describe it
this way: if we are going to be selfish, we should be wisely selfish
rather than foolishly selfish.
I feel that the moment you adopt a sense of caring for others, that
brings inner strength. Inner strength brings us inner tranquility, more
self-confidence. Through these attitudes, even though your surroundings
may not be friendly or may not be positive, still you can sustain peace
of mind.
–from “The Art of Peace: Nobel Peace Laureates Discuss Human Rights,
Conflict and Reconciliation” by the Dalai Lama and other Nobel
Laureates, edited by Jeffrey Hopkins, published by Snow Lion Publications
I just had to share the above. I read quite a bit even while I am on the road. Right now we are in Memphis, Tennessee. Check us out on our travel blog at http://jlarocca.typepad.com/rvlarocca/

To Be Happy and Free of Suffering

Fern — Mon, 01 May 2006 23:01:49 +0000

Every single sentient being wishes to be happy and free of suffering.
By no means does Buddhism say this is wrong; rather, this is where we
start from.
The very root of this yearning for happiness, this yearning to be free
of suffering, is the fundamental expression of the buddha-nature. If
for the time being we turn our gaze away from the myriad ways that we can
stray from the agenda–trying to find happiness by buying a more
luxurious car, or a bigger house, or getting a better job–and just come back
to the primary desire of wishing to be happy, we find at the very
source of our yearning for happiness the buddha-nature wanting to realize
itself. It’s like a seed that wants to spring into the sunlight.
Sometimes it gets terribly contorted, when we want to injure somebody else for
the sake of our own happiness, but the fundamental yearning is
something to be embraced.
–from “The Four Immeasurables: Cultivating a Boundless Heart” by B.
Alan Wallace, edited by Zara Houshmand, published by Snow Lion
Publications

Holy… Communion, Batman!

Fern — Sun, 09 Apr 2006 23:20:11 +0000

It was my little niece’s first communion and my first visit to a Christian church in probably –well, many a year. It held all the beauty and fascination that I remember as a child. The pews, the stained glass, the ornate altar and statues and that certain smell. A very similar smell that is in a Buddhist zendo. Part incense and part musk, and part human emotion all wrapped up in a tight little package.
The little girls and boys ( 8 & 9 year olds) went through the motions as they sang, and recited, and prayed. I sat in the pew next to her god parents who reeked of alcohol at 12 noon, and had to smile thinking of all the times I attended church as a teenager high on something or another.
My little niece looked like a cheap K-Mart doll dressed up in an ill-fitting white dress with a hand me down dirty sequined tiara on her head, but her smile lit up the room as she went through this rite of passage. I was happy for her not so much for this event but for her ability to be with her peers and enjoy the moment with them. I know that would not have been possible without the therapy that she has been receiving for a condition known as Aspergers Syndrome.
Then there is the reception. A get together of adults and TV, food and cocktails and kids running amok. A general scene of chaos. How different, I thought, of how my experience was when I was growing up. Family and guests would gather around and I would read each card aloud, and open the gift, and look at the giver and say thank you (no matter what the gift was) and smile. Here the children were ignored and they ripped open cards and presents and no one knew what came from who and no one cared. After all it’s not about the gifts on a day like this, is it?

Dharma Practitioner

Fern — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 15:48:45 +0000

In general, by the term “dharma practitioner” we mean a person who is able to handle all kinds of circumstances, both good and bad,
one who can take even the worst experiences as catalysts to help further progress in his or her practice.
The circumstances in which we find ourselves should actually clarify our practice, our experiences, and our realization, and we should be able to understand all situations , both favorable and unfavorable, as teachings on the path.
from The Wish Fulfilling Jewel by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche