From Fern » Personal Growth

Healthy and Strong does not always mean “look good”

Fern — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 23:06:48 +0000

Look at me. I am 5’4’’ and weigh 120 pounds. I can do 9 pull ups and 90 lbs. bench press. I feel strong, healthy and more energetic than I have in a long time. Not bad for a woman of 57 years, if I say so myself.

What you don’t notice from the photo is that I walk with a cane. I have a below the knee amputation on my left leg and a half paralyzed right leg. My right hip and buttock is just bone with a thin skin over it. Above my right hip is a bulge of intestines from a hernia that I have developed. All this is from having a survived over 26 surgeries from a major car accident in 2004. (Note how well I hide all that-a lot of padding, folks!)

What’s this got to do with the Lean Saloon? Johnny is my personal trainer. Ok, you are already convinced that he is good but what you don’t know is I came to the Lean Saloon almost 3 years ago hardly able to walk up the driveway to the front door of my home; a consequence of too much sitting in a wheelchair.

Primal lean, does it work? Well, I always did eat fresh foods but Johnny helped me take it to the next level- more real food, skipping the processed stuff –especially sugar addiction, lowering my wine intake (which is the hardest to do). But it’s refreshing to have the confidence to ride a bike, walk, and just to realize the most of my potential (considering the situation, Ha! Ha!). The point is being healthy is not just about looking good but feeling good. The energy that one gets from eating right and exercising is an important part of self-care that is the foundation for success in everything we do. I know, because I am a Wealth Coach and I find I spend a lot of time with people on self care. The ability to focus and have the energy to connect with the abundance around you is the foundation of wealth. Once that is taken care of then it is much easier to focus on wealth building.

I may look small, weak, and disabled, but don’t let that fool you. I am healthy, wealthy and wise. Yay!

Not too tight and not too loose

Fern — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:39:48 +0000

I have been busy writing my ebook- the 401K First Aid Kit:Stop Your Portfolio Bleeding and Get Back to Financial Health. I know- goofy name, but apparently when you are building a business online you need catchy titles. What started out as a “I want to help people understand their 401K” mission turned into a full time project with coaching calls, online sales page, marketing, blah, blah, blah. During that time everything else (except my workouts) got put on hold– my memoir, my coaching practice, this blog, the dog, my jewelry making hobby, my relationships, etc.
Now that the project is over, I realize that I am stressed and I feel the imbalance and strife that exists when there wasn’t any before. I realized that I didn’t have work/life balance in myself that I support and coach in my clients. What a wake up call! When I meditate on that and what went wrong, it’s easy to see where the wrong turn was made.
The project turned from a labor of love to a “how can I turn this into a money making machine”. Seduced by the mentorship of slick online marketing gurus, I lost who I am and what I provide into how I can package and sell my knowledge.
I know I am good at what I do and I know that people love my stuff. I need to step back and build my relationships with my tribe and continue to give them good free content packaged without the google adwords— and have the confidence in the abundance that is around me.
As Pema has taught me, -not too tight- I’ll have a sliver of the chocolate cake and not too loose- I’ll take the whole chocolate cake– but something in between. The Middle Way.

Mommy, Look! It’s a Robot Woman!

Fern — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 14:37:04 +0000

I just got a new leg. My old one wasn’t fitting well and getting loose when I worked out at the gym. I wear the new one as just a foot and pipe until it is adjusted just right and then Gary puts on a cosmetic covering.
I have been wearing shorts since it is hot and I am surprise at all the great comments I get from kids-”Look, Mommy, there’s a Robot woman!” “Mommy, what happened to that girl’s leg!” It’s too bad that most parents don’t stop to explain but keep them moving and looking away. I find teens and adults from other countries are more likely to just ask me what happened than Americans. A fellow amputee concurred. Cultural differences, I guess.
Most guys want me to keep the leg as it is. They think it is pretty cool looking. Lots of them almost run into me at the grocery store as they try to mentally figure out the technology as they stare. Hell-lo! My eyes are up here! Ha! Ha! I think some tattoos on the cosmetic cover would be more interested than the pipe and foot setup I have now. Hmm….maybe.
At my adjustment visit with Gary, they were trying to get rid of some Police tickets. I scored 2 lawn tix for Elvis Costello and the Police at Shoreline. As we entered we got upgraded seats (maybe I will keep the pipe and foot) and it was a real treat to see a live concert (been a long time). Sting had let his gray hair show. Andy Summer had a thick double chin as he looked down at his guitar. Funny how the older rockers don’t bother to hide their age. Sting was fit as every-being a yoga devotee.
As I left the Shambhala Mountain Center ( August of 03) in the Colorado mountains after a 2 week meditation retreat, the big buzz was that Sting was there for a yoga retreat. All the Gen Y were in a tizzy wondering where he was going to be assigned work practice (everyone has assigned “samu-”work practice) so they could be neaby at the same time. Later on I heard that when asked how the retreat went, Sting replied “I never washed so many dishes in all my life.”
And yes- I am following the financial crisis- check out my recommendations here:
http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Fern_Alix_LaRocca

Pimp My Ride

Fern — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 23:24:27 +0000

After much research I finally decided on purchasing this bike from www.nycewheels.com.
I live close to a lot of things but can’t really walk far. My long hikes (8 blocks) while enjoyable at the moment turn into a fiery hip pain at night that needs a double on the rocks (lingo for double tylenol with ice water).
I worried if I could get my leg over and onto this bike even though it is really low to the ground and I just barely can get on with this one. Then since my right foot turns out, my foot kept slipping off the pedal (not good at all). I was a little dismayed until my trainer turned me on to Brian Spears at Advanced Welding in Mountain View. Brian and his crew fashioned me an extended pedal type thing so my foot doesn’t fall off so easy and I don’t have to risk my life every time I ride. Thanks, Brian!
A big shout out goes to all the messenger boyz in NYC who encouraged me to go for it and try to bike again.
Another big shout out goes to Bert of NYC eWheels who put up with my constant questions about anything and everything concerning ebikes.
Above all, thanks to my husband, Joseph, for letting me shake up his nerves once again with my never ending risky adventures and for making me take all the safety precautions I really should.
Thanks, Guys!

There Goes My Hero

Fern — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 10:51:49 +0000

My friend, Deborah, called and said everyone in her condo complex was calling and asking who that man was that helped out over the weekend.
We had visited her at her condo on the second floor on a beautiful Saturday in Sausalito. We sat on her deck and chatted. I saw three elderly women get out of a car across the street and one tripped on the curb and fell. Her friends were nearby and I thought they would help. Minutes later I looked again and noticed that the woman was not getting up.
“Joseph,” I said in my calm but you must act now voice, “Quick, go down there and check on that woman. I think it’s an emergency.” He ran down the stairs and I could see him talking to the woman and her friends. Other neighbors started gathering, too. A minute later, I saw him call 911 on his cell phone and the firemen came to help her to the hospital.
Joseph told us that she was 94 and lived on the top floor (duh?! What’s up with that?) and must have tripped on the curb but didn’t feel comfortable getting up. Her friends were trying to get her up and moving so he stopped them and called for help.
It was a good thing as Deborah told us- the woman had broken her hip in three places and was in ICU. Everyone wanted to know who that man was to thank him. That man was my dear husband.

PTSD- post traumatic stress disorder

Fern — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 09:35:20 +0000

PTSD- post traumatic stress disorder is the hip new way to get prescription drugs. Military- new moms suffering post-partum, and trauma survivors like me are most likely to be diagnosed with it. Sometimes it is a chemical imbalance and sometimes psychological. Luckily, I never had it. I now see how unusual that is. Some of its symptoms are:
Reactivity on exposure to cues that resemble the event
Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the event or numbing of general responsiveness by efforts to avoid thoughts/activities/places/people that arouse recollections of the trauma; feelings of detachment.
Difficulty falling asleep, irritability, anger, difficulty concentrating hypervigilance.
Depressed Mood/diminished interest or pleasure in activities
When I look back, none of the above applied to me. Not that I have never experienced sadness, or pain, or depression. But—I never let it wash me away. I knew it for what it was and nothing more. Everyone thought I would have trouble driving once again –but that didn’t happen. I was a passenger in a car that was in an accident. The cue- the digital signpost trailer that severed my hip. Well, now I see them everywhere. I call them my little friends and smile when I see one. I sleep well when it’s not noisy (like in the hospital). And I talk about the accident easily and in great detail to anyone who asks. And believe me, they ask- in the mall, the grocery store, at the coffee shop, etc.
But I think the real key is when you look at survivors like Nelson Mandela, and many victims of intense torture, (and studies have proven this) the ones who go on to survive and thrive are the ones who do not disassociate with their experience. Being mindful and present of your attacker, your vulnerability, your pain, your environment, puts you right there. You experience it. It’s over. Maybe you experience it again. And it’s over again. Each moment is fleeting. It doesn’t have to scar your heart even if it scars your body. Only you can make that choice- in each moment.

Sitting with Fire-Tassajara

Fern — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 14:24:01 +0000

I have just received an update that the fire is a half mile away from Tassajara monastery near Big Sur. All have evacuated except for 5 dharma brothers. I have spent many years going on retreat there in the summers by myself and then opening up this special place to my husband and then the year before my accident I brought my friend, Bertha along. It was always a challenging journey since the road was definitely 4 wheel drive material -steep, slippery and sometimes dangerous. But I would pick up some people who needed rides at Jamesburg and take it slow up the mountain and down into the valley.
Tassajara is a very special place-a Zen monastery during the year that opens up to the public during the spring and summer. You had the option of practicing with the monks or doing your own schedule. I usually practiced with the monks in the early morning and then had breakfast and was off for a long hike during lunch. The hiking trails were challenging. One was rolling hills with high brush and rattlesnakes hiding among the grasses that also opened up to vast meadows of colorful wildflowers i(f you were there at the right time). Other areas, you were bouldering through canyons slippery from various cascading waterfalls. There was a pool there that seemed out of place because everyone went to the bathhouse. The bathhouse had a men’s and women’s side. It was refreshing to take off your sweaty clothes -take a shower and dip into a very large hot pool of water and there was a cold stone pool outside the bathhouse as well as a sauna. This all was open to the outdoors and the creek. All naked women of all ages, shapes and sizes relaxing in total silence in a beautiful setting.
Even though it was a rustic environment- (no electricity), dining was an exquisite affair. The dining hall glowed as it used the energy from the creek to light up the room as if we were all in candlelight. People brought their favorite bottles of wine and the staff served us graciously as we dined at communal tables and met interesting people. Dinner was vegetarian but filling and definitely gourmet. Annie Sommersville of Greens Restaurant got her start here as well as Ed Brown and others. There was always some celebrity chef around. After dinner, more wine and talk would flow into the night.
Suzuki Roshi was very fond of this place and even if it doesn’t survive, his legacy will live on to all those that have been to Tassajara.
I wish Abbot Steve Stuckey and the others a safe journey as they sit with fire.

Memorial day to fly away

Fern — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:30:10 +0000

I haven’t been on a plane since being in a bad car accident in late 03. I used to fly 4 to 6 times a year both personal and professional trips. It was a joy to get away and relax on a plane. The thought now of flying doesn’t thrill me not because I am disabled but because of what the flying experience has turned into.
There are less people at ticket counters so there are long lines of anxious people at the sky caps, the kiosks, and the counters. There is the getting past the gate line- where shoes, belts, keys and whatever else comes up to detain an already anxious crowd trying to get to their flight ontime. Then there is the last minute food grab before you get on the plane (since they now hardly serve anything). So you wait in line for that. Then you get on the plane and it is flithy from the people who were on before and you pray you don’t get sick from all the germs.
Flying isn’t what it used to be but I joined my husband over the memorial day weekend to see his family.
My prosthetist, Gary, recommended that I ask for wheelchair service. Of course, I can walk so I said I can handle the walking and standing-besides it will be good exercise for me. He basically talked me into it.
So I did- a little embarassed by the fact that I am taking a wheelchair when I can walk fine with a cane.
I am so glad I did!!– it was a zoo at the airport and the wheelchair got me to the front of the line and with a little body exhibition of my metallic parts, I was off to the gate and the first one on the plane. Wo-hoo!!!
Sometimes it pays to suck it up and use what priveleges are available to you.
It was good to see his family and the weekend went by fast. The last night I got everyone together (no small feat in itself) for a dinner at Calandras to celebrate Joseph’s birthday. It was probably the first time Joseph has celebrated his birthday with his family in a long time and it also went by so fast. A magician was there to entertain the kids which was a nice touch the restaurant provided.
I look forward to our next flight—- this time maybe a pinot noir instead?

Pain in the Ass!

Fern — Sun, 18 May 2008 11:23:20 +0000

I just had an annual physical and they wanted to do a colonoscopy- yuck! I wouldn’t mind if all my plumbing was still in the right place. But after the accident I was in, everything is a little off from where it should be. So I decided to have a virtual colonoscopy- where they only put 8 inches of tubing up your ass and not 18 inches.
Medicare would pay for it so I signed up at an out patient facility that my Dr. recommended. I dutifully took all the gunk to clean you out 2 days prior. I walked into the pleasant facility early in the morning and was seen right away. My tech looked like my brother only with light brown hair. His demeanor was calm and friendly and he mistakenly thought that I was nervous. I was- but not for the reasons that he thought.
In my mind I was trying to figure out a way to gently let him know about the gross disfiguration under the thin patient robe that he was about to see. He went about explaining the procedure as if to put my mind at ease. I finally blurted out-”Well, I was in a bad car accident and I have been in 4 hospitals over 4 months and had over 20 surgeries.”
“Oh, so you are familar with all of this.” he said as if relieved of the burden.
“Oh, yes, I am okay with this”. Then I lifted up my gown for the show and tell tour.
As I lay still on the table, he preceded with the predictable solace-”when I was 18, I was on the football team and got tackled by a 300 pound teenager that hit me so hard ithat my entire shoulder had to be reconstructed.”
“Wow”, I said wondering why people always want to share some of their own personal medical history with me as if to say they’ve been there, too. I know that we ALL have been there. And if you haven’t —well, prepare yourself.
My colonoscopy came back negative but it did show thinnng of the bones. So a month later, I had a dexa-scan which is a fancy bone mineral density test. That test came back with the diagnosis of osteporosis -or thinning of the bones. That diagnosis came with a prescription of Fosamax which I am not taking.
I have been able to be drug free for a long time and wish to remain that way as long as I can. Maybe my time is ending. I am still researching this Fosamax thing and I don’t like what I am reading. I would appreciate any comments on what you all know about this drug.
Check this out on why I am opposed to Fosamax-http://www.womentowomen.com/bonehealth/bonemineraldensitytests.aspx

DayDreamer

Fern — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 10:30:21 +0000

At my eight grade graduation, my teacher wrote a poem and in it, she described her students. She had a little quip about each one of us- the diva, the scholar, the drama queen, the comic, etc. I couldn’t wait to see what she would say about me. I was so disappointed when she called me the “daydreamer”. I was the little girl who had a “window seat”- a desk chair by the window. Since I got good grades and I was a good student, I was priveleged to be in the row next to the large windows on the 3rd floor that overlooked the street below. She was right about me though. I was bored so I would look out the window at the cars and the sky and the trees and day dream about the people outside while I was indoors. What were they doing all day and what were their lives like? Will I ever get to be one of those people driving my car around or walking outside while everyone worked or studied?
I thought similar things as an adult looking out the window over my desk and computer. It was a beautiful day and I was working and when I took lunch outdoors and saw people passing by, I would wonder what their lives where like.
Now that I am semi-retired, I am one of those people who shop and run errands and go to the gym, and I peer inside the office buildings and shops and think of the people working and what their lives are like. But I don’t have to wonder, I know because I worked in a shop before and an office.
The middle of the day has a “quiet storm” to it of stay-at-home moms, elderly, disabled people, young people out of school and such. It is a much slower pace yet you can see the earnestness in all of us as we continue to wind down our to-do list. However, our tasks are just as meaningful as others, since food needs to be bought and clothes need to fit and cars need to be repaired, and the dog needs to be walked, and babies need to be held just as much as retirement plans need to be calculated and medical plans need to be analyzed. Yet our society holds one over the other to a much greater value.
I visited a friend who just came out of surgery and as they wheeled her out of post-op and into her private room, I noticed she got a “window seat”. I made sure the blinds were open so that she could see out. As she clutched her morphine push, I bid her goodnight and sweet dreams.
PS- Glad you are doing well, Annette!
To my dear Darlene Sensei- Glad to hear of your remission. I miss your presence at Tassajara.